I am soo sorry to everyone I have ever hurt. Through thought, word and deed.

In some cases i wanted to make you hurt as much as possible in revenge for somegthing you had done/i thought you had done to me.

In others i was jsut a thoughtless bitch, who didnt consider what the consenques’ would be for myself and others.

I’m not going to make excuses for my actions in the past, or try and blame it all on the depression or other things outside of my control. Because in the end it was all me. I was the one who took the action, said the thing that ended up with people i care about getting hurt.

I dont think i could ever make up for the hurt i have put my family through these past couple of years. I let everyone down and wouldnt step up to the mark when i had the chance to. That is unforgivable and in the past i have fallen out with people for less.

Even though i dont remember doing it no matter how hard i try i hurt my son and put him in a postion where he was taken into care for a year, before being allowed to live with his dad again.

I have screamed and sworn and raged at people who where just trying to help me. only seeing my pain and anger.a lot of he anger turned inwards because if i could have just held off one more weekend the hurt to my son wouldnt have happened and i would still be with him and my ex.

My ex who i love second only to my son, has been let down by me just as much. Has been raged at, sworn at and made out to be the worse person in the worldduring this. Is it any wonder he doesnt want anything to do with me any more. Spesh after the attacks on him increased after he started seeing some one else. Some one who i couldnt be more jealous of. Because i know what a fantastic loving wonder guy she is with. i lost him through my own actions. and would do anything to have him back. Even though my head knows that too much has happened these past two years for that to happen.

I’ve pushed people away who were only trying to help and now they wont talk to me either. again i cant blame them. i havent been someone even i want to be around, and i have no choice in the matter.

I can never do enough or say sorry enough to make things right. all i can do is hope that as time goes by i earn forgiveness and friendship back. And if i dont then i totaly understand. I dont really desreve it.

The people i love know who they are and i wish the best to you forever and always. Everyone else all i can say is i’m sorry.