Friday night I died my hair for the first time in years.

And i feel great. I’ve gone from a very dark brown to a very dark red almost purple.  And I found after doing it and seeing the results that its something I was missing in my life.

I started dieing my hair when I was fourteen. Back then it was just getting it to be a few shades lighter then my natural colour. When i turned seventeen i started experimenting with colours after a few hits and misses I settled on a bright in your face red. I was that coulor untill i moved in my ex.

The last time I died my hair was when my son was three months old and it was to make my hair a brown close to my natural colour. Since then i’ve let the hair grow out and become its almost black brown.

Any one who knows me knows that my hair is a big part of who I am. For as long as I’ve been in charge of my hair its been long. Very long. The shortest i can ever remember having it is a couple of inches below shoulder length and not being hapy with it, as i thought it was too short. The longest i’ve had it is below my bum. That didnt stay for very long as i got fed up of sitting on it.

At the moment its about waist length and will more then likely stay that way till i’m old and very grey. Or i get together the balls to have it cut short so that the hair can go off to be made into a wig for charity.

I stopped dieing my hair cause my ex wasnt keen on me doing it, and liked it natural. It wasnt a lot for me to give up for the sake of being with the man i was going to marry. He gave up things for me too.

So i stopped expressing mysekf through my hair and got on with life. Only life got shit and I’m now with out my son and the man i was supposed to marry is now with someone else.

My threapist when i saw her on thursday asked what i liked doing as a way to express myself before i got together with the ex. I told her about dieing my hair and all teh colours i haev gone. And thre ones i would never go.

Pink and blonde are to pretty much the only colours i would never go. Pink because its not a colour i’m fond of and blonde because I have olive toned skin and it would just look stupid. I grew up with a naturaly blonde sister and best mate. Who are the oppisite ends of the blonde scale and both of their skins look paper white compared to mine, even in winter.

So the thearpist ordered me to die my hair over the weekend. We talked about it for a while as i wasnt sure its something i wanted to do.

However i did it and something inside clicked into place. I’d found something i didnt know i had lost. I’ve been on a bit of a high since i did it and nothing has been able to bring me down so far.

I know its not a lot and seems like nothing to a lot of people but i realise that i gave up a big part of myself when i stopped dieing my hair. I’ve taken a bit of contolr over my life back and it feels great.

I think the thearpist was right when she said that i was still chained to a rule my ex put upon me about dieing my hair. A rule i havent had to follow for a year.

Now i’ve done it i feel like i’ve taken a part of myself back from the me. A part he’ll never be able to take from me again. Its a small thing finding the part that was missing after being with someone for nearly five years and a way of getting my control back.

Who knows next time i may go blue.

It’ll be a while before i go bright red again. too many memories of the early days with the ex to go back to that colour just yet.