Yesterday afternoon i went for my latest smear test.

Not much fun but then what medical test is fun?!

to let you know when its time for you test you get a letter from the lab that carries out the test telling you to book it with a leaflet abut what its for and how they go about doing it.

IT doesn’t mention that when you enter the room all you can see is on the table a spiky torture instrument is waiting to attack your insides. It’s not very big and the spikes look a little like those on a toothbrush, but when you’ve not seen it before and know where its going it looks massive and like it will be very painful.

If your lucky like me you get a nurse with a sense of humour. she put me at my ease with a few jokes about the doctors who work at the practice.

It didn’t help that the computer system choose that moment to crash. Cue lots of jokes about how useless computers are when it rains and comments on how her handwriting is better then any of the doctors.

Before long it was time for my to drop my pants. just a thin blue curtain between me and the large window over looking the carpark.

Having had a baby i’m used to idea of the world and his uncle wanting a peek at my neither regions. But living in a small town it would be just my luck for the air-con to turn on and flash them to someone i know from the small town i live in.

thankfully the air-con stayed off.

so laying there with my neither regions on full display the nurse enters the curtain, holding a truely massive see through dildo with a huge seam running down both sides.

“dont worry it wont hurt” she says as she shoves up the tunnel nothing that big should enter. and it didn’t. she chose this point to tell me shed had lessons of a gay friend over how lubed up something should be before insertion.

she made me cough to get it snug against my cervix then got the spiky brush of horror.

“you’ll feel a little itch as i take the sample.” she said as in went the damn thing.  Two seconds later i got shouted at for giggling. it tickled and wiggling with laughter was making hard for her to take the sample. so hard in fact that the spiky tickle device had given me a little cut. oops.

In no time at all i was dressed again being told not to worry about the results. its just a precautionary test to make sure that every thing is as it should be. I’ll get the results through the post in about two weeks.

all in all it took less then five minutes and while there was a bit of discomfort afterwards it was nothing compared to the knowledge that i’d done something positive for my health.

I’ve shared my story of getting a smear test as i think it’s something that should be talked about to get the fear and misinformation gone. it was a little test that was nothing compared to the tests you have when your baby doesnt want to comply to the docs timetable.

Advertisements