Maddie McCann

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Ten years ago today a young girl disappeared from a holiday flat while her parents where getting drunk in a bar some distance away. Since then the world has been divided as to the role her parents played in her disappearance.

A lot of people myself included believe that the McCann’s are to blame whole heartedly for her disappearance and  if the poor child is dead then they have her blood on their hands.

How can so called intelligent people believehat it is OK to not only leave young children alone in an apartment in a different country, they where in a different building a good five minute walk away from the children.

My parents never left my siblings and I alone until as the eldest i was in my mid teens and had enough sense to be able to look after the younger two. the youngest of which was nearly in double figures.

For the last ten years people have debated back and forth over whos to blame and whats happened to the child. One thing everyone can agree on is that it is heart breaking that a young girl has gone missing and is alone in the world.

People have refereed back to other case of missing children where the parents have been dragged over the coals and very heavily investigated before being cleared of having anything to do with the disappearance.

From what has been reported the McCanns haven’t had the same invasive look at that others in their situation have.

A lot of people believe it is because of their jobs. One a GP and one an eminent heart surgeon.  This may or may not be the case. But from the reporting it has been far more positive of the parents then in other cases.

For instance Ben Needlehams parents where dragged through the mud when he went missing and yet they didn’t do anything wrong. He was playing in a family members garden when he was taken, with members of the family close by.

The McCanns where neglectful and didn’t do everything in their power to keep their children safe.

I have always thought that they should have had the twins taken off them until which ever child protection agency has completed a full investigation into them, concluded they where safe to have children. Its whats happened in other cases so not this one.

As for the twins what sort of life are they being made to live where they are constantly in the shadow of their parents hunger for media coverage. No one seems to be thinking about the twins and how their lives have been affected by their sisters disappearance. They where so young when it all happened that quite possibly the only memories they have off her are news reports and their parents ignoring their health and well well being to appear on the latest show who wants an interview.

While I cant imagine the pain of having a child taken and never knowing if they are a live or not. How that messes with your head or anything else, there are still two children who need to live a normal happy life. One where they are the centre of attention every once in a while and not always in the shadow of a sister they cant remember.

All this is before you consider the cost to us the tax payers. £11 million, in the last few years just for Scotland yard to be involved. Money which while I’m sure any parent in that situation would say had to be spent. But, in the grand scheme of things £11 million to re hash everything that has gone before with no new leads is a waste of public money?

How many police officers could have bee  trained and hired with that money? How many other investigations have fallen by the wayside because funding was being sent to Portugal rather then being spent at home?

How many other children have gone missing in that time who that money could have been used to find?

And then you get headlines like this:


And this:


And this:



And this:



None of it makes for happy reading, and the comment sections are full of people arguing about what happened that night and the motives behind both the press and McCanns for keeping it in the public view all the time.

My son who was born 18 months after she disappeared knows who and what was involved that night through it being on the television.

No one will ever know what truely happened that night. We cant while lies are being told and people wont take responsibility for their actions leading to this unfortunate event.

All I can say is that it will take a lot to convince me that the parents haven’t had a major part to play in what happened. And lets be honest here in this day and age what idiots leave three very young children alone in a strange place so they can go and get pissed?


Its harder then it looks.


Writing for kids is hard. Very hard.
OK I’ll admit I’ve only been trying to write a story about dragons for my six-year-old for about twelve hours now. Not long really, but long enough for me to want to pull my hair out.
There is the amount of words you want to use in your writing but your not sure if a six year old is able to read the word never mind understand the meaning of the word.
My son is learning to read and being the proud mother that I am I think he’s the best little reader in the world. even more so since he likes having stories with long words read to him. but I’m trying to write a book that kids will want to read to themselves or their younger siblings.
At the back of my mind I’ve go to remember that the words i write will need someone to put pictures to it and thinking about how its done in other books.
Never mind getting an artist on board to draw the pictures. someone who’s happy to draw lots of dragons and their world based on the words I put on the page.
So over all its a lot harder then i thought it would it would be.
If anyone knows someone who wouldn’t mind trying to put drawings to my words send them my way.

Charity Calenders.

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So it’s that time of year again where the world and his uncle are trying to get us to buy a calendar.

Some just because they look pretty others for various charities.

Now I’m pretty sure everyone is aware of the WI calendar that started the whole being naked in a calendar thing over ten yeas ago. Since then the market hs been flooded with naked calender all claiming to be for one charity or another.

So I find it hard to believe that a college rowers charity calendar has made the headlines for all the wrong reasons.


Yes its just another calendar. yes ita got pics of naked women in it.

But even so it’s tastfully done and the money raised is going to a charity that is close to the models hearts.

Now I’m all for everyone being treated the same and being respected for doing things that help others.

So i was shocked to see that people are attacking these young women for being tastefully naked, claiming that they are putting the womans cause back by decades.

I don’t see how.

To me feminism about getting treated the same as men in everything and not allowing double standards to happen anywhere.

By attacking things girls for doing something their male counterparts have done for years is showing the double standards these woman claim that they are fighting against.

There will be people out there who’ll buy the calendar because it has naked women in it.

And that sad and childish. But at the same time the money that is spent on the calendar will be going to a good cause. surely we can all agree that is worth a few people getting their jollies by owning it.



Body Hair

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I was prating about on twitter earlier and saw a discussion on body hair and what people prefer on themselves and others.

The topic was led by Amanda Palmer, who is well-known for having hairy armpits and not giving a flying stuff what people think about it. In this day and age where we have what we should look like hammered into our brains with every advert we look at and the people who are chosen to be tv, its refreshing to have someone stand up and say “I’m not like everyone else. I’m my own person and i like being different” Even more so when you consider that in her profession looks are often more important than how well you can sing/play an instrument.

Now personally I don’t care if I have body hair or not most of the time. Its a lot of effort to keep it under control when you don’t have to. So in winter I tend to have a lot of it and in summer less, so I can get a nice even tan and not worry about sweat getting caught in the hair and making a nasty smell.

Thats just my own personal choice and my ex partners didn’t mind a bit. And why the hell should they. They have more body hair than I’m ever likely to have and I don’t comment on it.

Body hair is just another example of how its one rule for women nd one for men.

Men are considered less than men when they shave or wax their body hair. Yet women are unkept and a disgrace to their sex if they don’t.

The olympics are on at the moment and quite a few of the male competitors will have shaved legs arms ect. Mostly because when  your competing to be the best at your sport you want every advantage you can get. so in the  case of swimmers and runners getting rid of hair can help them be more stream line which helps them move faster.

I’m not sure how it works as I don’t think hair can make all that much difference. but I’m not an athlete and they wouldn’t do it as religiously as they do if there wasn’t some proof to back up the claims.

When your in school its a right of passage having your first body hair growth, yet when your a girl almost as soon as it happens your expected to rip it out and do so for pretty much the rest of your life.

Surely the amount of body hair we have should be a personal choice, not something that is decied by people we’ll never met who try and tell us what we should look like.

At the end of teh day its only hair. We change styles of hair on our heads all the time. try something new, if we dont like it we grow it out and try something else. why shoudn’t we do the same with our body hair. its not hurting anyo9ne having a bit more then is considered acceptable.


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over the past couple of weeks there has been stories everyday about how G4S are failing to met their contractual obligations.

They took tens of millions of pounds to proved the security staff at the Olympics. But have failed to do so. Often not letting anyone know there was a problem with staff numbers. Letting the police when they carry out  spot check deal with the lack of staff themselves.

Now I have experience of the sort of people who work for G4S through the amount of politics have been involved in. I have been to party conferences where the security staff where G4S and often they where under paid and over worked.

Because of the type of work that they do, before they have their first shift they have to to be certified to work in the security sector. It can take a long time to get the bit of paper that will allow you to work. Theres time spend in college and then taking the exam.

When it is time for the first shift they have to pay for their uniforms and name badges. Anything between £5- £10 pounds is charged for a replacement badge.

Having worked in retail where you need name badges I can say without doubt that your basic name badge doesn’t cost more than £2 to make. I have worked for people who make you buy your replacement badges if you lose yours but never more than what it costs for the company to get it.

Since you have had to pay for your work stuff outright, most of which is tailored, and got a qualification to allow you to work you would be forgiven for thinking that you would be getting a good wage.

But talking to my ex landlord who when made redundant went to work for them that’s just not the case. It’s a minimum wage job where your expected to work twelve-hour shifts and if needs be work through your unpaid breaks. He worked in train stations a lot of the time so he was often working when I saw him.

His main complaints where that the boss will change your shifts often without letting you know in advance. If your late for work, even if you told them you were stuck in traffic or your train was running late to get you to your post at the station your wages are docked.

Most of the people there would look for another job, any job if they had any time with which to do so. One month the ex land lord only had one day off in thirty due to staff shortages and the fact that the bosses can’t keep track of a simple file on the computer which tells them when someone is/n’t working, so they make up a new one.

The bosses don’t bother learning anyones name as they assume due to the bad working standards they expect people to work in they wont be turning up the next day. Of the ten who started at the same time as my ex landlord only two of them where left by the end of the month. Both of them working fathers who needed some sort of wage to support their families.

Now normally I wouldn’t comment on the state of a company like G4S. They rarely affect me and to be perfectly honest I don’t care about the mess they have made of the Olympic task they were given.

But, when they where doing security at the golf open this past week they pretty much stood and watched and criminals stole lead from the roof of a church they where guarding since its grounds where being used as a car park.

Now the church would have been given a large amount of money to allow the official cars to park there, but it wont be enough to pay for the repairs to the roof.

Now I’m not religious but I think churches are often beautiful places where you can go for quite time or to look at the building for its self. an interesting building.

In an article I read about the theft of the lead it is reported that one of the personal claimed they didn’t do anything to stop it as it wasnt in their brief. they where there to make sure nothing happened to the cars, not to protect the church.

If your contract says your there to make sure one thing doesn’t happen but your allowed to watch a crime be committed then your bosses deserve to be put in front of a judge as well as the people commuting the crime. I believe it’s called perverting the course of justice.

With working practices like those is it any wonder they can’t retain the numbers of staff they said they would have in place for the Olympics.

I’m surprised that they have people applying to work there when the only people you can find who have anything positive to say about the company are those who are in the higher rungs of management.







Trying to find confidence.


After all the things that have happened over the past two years I have no confidence and very little self esteem.

It’s hard to keep a hold of them when everyone around you is saying that you’re a failer and not worth anything to anyone.

Before all this happened I was an out going and bubbly person who called a spade a spade and wasnt afraid to say boo to the goose.

Over the last two years every time I thought I had reached rock bottom in regards of the situation and how I am within myself, something has always come along to make me realise that there is always father to fall. I keep hitting new lows. And, now I’m worried that there will be a new, even deeper rock bottom to hit just around the corner.

Thats no way to live a life. Not one that means anything.

After everything thats happened its hard to understand that only you can make the best out of any given situation. No ones going to wave a magic wand and make sure it’s all going to be roses.

It works when your five and your parents can still sort everything out with a few well-chosen words. But, as a fully grown adult you have to learn to say the words to yourself. and, out them into action.

Thats something I’m out of practice on.

For example by the age of twenty I was a shop supervisor with a team of five people working under me. Now four years later I can barely go outside on my own.

So my advisor at the job center decided to send me on a “Picking up the pieces” course run by one of the local collages. So after a sleepless night, last monday I talked my little brother into taking me to the sign on day.

He got talked into it because the rooms being used for the course are situated in the Blackpool Football Club stadium. He could go and player spot while I got on with filling in the forms.

So just over a week later I have been to two days of the course. GEtting there on my own after being dumped by my little bro in favour of the evil ex and his soon to be wife who’s been with him less than six months.

Getting there was a complete nightmare thanks to having to get the bus and the golf happening in my town.

Sitting in the corridor they call a waiting room also not much fun, to be lead into a largish room where four of us and a teacher sat around a table.

I just wanted to leave and never look back. But somehow I managed to stay there. My hands really didn’t think me for it. I was so uncomfortable and anxious that I rubbed my hands red raw. Even with using a hand gel to try to stop it hurting.

At least I don’t have any hard skin on my hands at the moment.

By the end of the three-hour session where everyone let a little slip about why their there and what they want to be able to do in the next week, month and year I had relaxed enough to be able to sit on my hands and not have them doing their best to rub against something.

Although when we had a break about half way through the three hours I came very close to walking away and not looking back.

So after the second day I was still ready to leave at break time.

but again I stuck with it and made to the end of the session. After a few exercises that were meant to help build up a confident extirer. Turns out that I have very confident and assertive body langauge when I’m relaxed. But it’s so big that if you wanted to my body langauge could be taken as aggressive. Which could explain why in a lot of the reports filed against me in court which meant that I couldn’t look after son, they said my body langauge was aggressive and non-helpful.

But tis not something I ever thought about. its just the body langauge I have always had.

When I’m in the class I do feel better and more like I can do what needs to be done to make life better for myself. But as soon as I leave and go into the big bad world it all seems to just blow away with the ever-present wind in Blackpool.

By the time I get through with the journey home, the waiting for the bus, the bus ride and then getting back into the house I’m back to being a nervous wreck who cant wait to be back in her pit.

Well we have a few more weeks of the course to go. you never know by the end of it i may be able to get home with out turning into a nervous wreck. And if that happens well I’ll treat myself a lovely big KFC banquet. Even though the shop is next to the bus stop i use, i havent gone in yet.

Somethings happening.

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Today is the official start of the British Golf Open, at Royal Lytham and St. Anne‘s golf course. Or to put it another way its only about ten mins from where I live.

Boring i know but there you go.

For the past few weeks the roads around my town have been getting repaired and painted. The buildings have been sand blasted, and all the posh house round about have sprouted signs offering rooms and parking for the event.

People have been star spotting for the last few days comparing who’s been seen or talked too.

Its madness in an area where over the streets are still only wide enough for a single person horse and cart.

I know that the Golf has been happening on that course for many decades.

The last time it was held here was ten years ago when I was still in high school. The course is located behind the school. quite often during PE lessons we had to go and ask for our ball back from the club. Or just use the public foot path that runs through the middle of the course to get to where the ball was.

The only things stopping us from going off the path onto the course proper where signs telling us to keep off the green. Not going to do a lot to stop a teenager who’s been sent to got a ball of is planning on using the course as a hide out when skipping class.

A lot of the hospitality tents are set up on the schools playing field. Considering that the field is big enough for a couple of games each of rugby, football, rounders and lacrosse at the same time. leaving room for the running track. Even though the field really is that large the tents cover it and then some.

At the best of times people around here aren’t very good drivers or very good at parking legally.  Over the past few days that problem has gotten worse. A lot of the people who are now driving around in official Open cars or with names of golfers on the cars are parking on the pavements often almost running people over to do so. Or parking so badly on the pavement that they block the pavement for pedestrians who then have to go into the road to pass. Very much not a good idea when you consider that the average age for residents in our town is about 75. It also explains why none of them are very good at the whole being being a driver thing.

So in short while this next week may be a good thing for the local businesses its not a good thing for those of us who have to live with it.





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