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Going grey

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As a woman it is expected that you go kicking and screaming into the world of having a head of grey hair.

Not me. This year I turn thirty, and i am in the position of no longer being able to pluck the grey out without seriously reducing the amount of hair I have. I noticed the first grey hairs in my hair when i was 24. lucky they were at the nape of my neck so easy to hide till they where long enough to pluck without taking other hairs with them.

As the years have past the grey has taken over more of my hair and now stands out amongst its nearly pitch black brethren. At first when I noticed the grey migrating to where everyone can see it i was heart broken. I love my natural hair colour and the various different colours it goes in the summer sun.

But then again I’m thirty in just over three months and my twenties haven’t been the pleasant happy go ┬álucky time i thought they would be.

I suffered a horrible pregnancy and labour. Had post natal depression that has since been re classed as psychosis due tot he fact i cant remember a large part of the the first three years of my sons life.

I have spent eight years fighting to get mentally stable again and during that time not really taken good care of myself so of course i’m showing signs of ageing before my time. even more so before my time when you consider people have trouble believing that i am nearly thirty when they see me face to face. Most say they would believe about 25-27 not nearly the big 30.

anyway back to the subject. Grey Hair.

I thought it would be a disaster getting it. its an old person thing that you don’t wan to admit to.

Well i was wrong. As it turns out now I’ve gotten used to having the grey there i quite like it. I’m lucky in the fact that a lot of it has grown in as more streaks of grey like highlights then all over the place.

The grey in my case is also much thicker then the brown hair. I always believed that grey hair would be thinner and break easier then non grey hair. well in my case the opposite is true. So why would i want to damage it by colouring it.

Plus there’s the fact that if i colour my hair to hide the ever growing number of grey I’ll lose getting to see my hair become all natural shades when bleached by the summer sun. After a while of being in the sun i have reds come through, blondes and all the browns hair can be. so its a little like getting lots of different colour streaks put in, only i get it for free after just a few hours in the sun.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is I’m in the winter of my twenties with 20% grey hair and love it. No one will push me into getting it died just to keep to social norms for people my age. My hairs in great condition right now and I want to keep it that way not damage it with dyes.

Things not allowed to write.

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In every aspect of life there are things that people are and aren’t allowed to write.

In the case of the press its for legal reasons, or because some one has taken out a court order. They have to be really careful about what they write. Although some of them push the boundaries and then fight the consequences in court.

Where as in the case of bloggers its a lot harder to know what yo are/n’t allowed to write about. The same legal rules dont apply to bloggers. The Levenson inquiry has shown us that.

When your blogging you have a lot more freedom to write about whatever you want. Putting it in your own words expressing your views on the subject. Often just taking the post down is enough to stop people trying to take legal action. Even though once something is on the internet its very very very hard to truely make them go away again.

In the case of a lot of bloggers its down to who they know and their wishes as to what they put on the internet.

In my own case there isn’t many people around who tell me what i can and cant put online. Most of the people i know use the blog as a way of finding out whats going on in my head.

I”m not the best at telling people my feelings most of the time. The best i can do it is by writing it down. But people get sick of getting letters or emails going over the same things.

Sometimes because they say things that they dont want to hear, or something that they have heard before, making a promise i intended to keep but failed to do so.

For someone who’s dyslexic its a bit of a bugger that teh only way i can truely tell someone whats going on or how i feel is by writing it.

I have used this blog to vent about things, saying things about someone i dont know, and refused point blank to take them down again.

Theres a couple of posts from last month that i have taken off public display as a shouw of good will and an olive branch towards the people mentioned in them. Thats not to say these posts are gone for ever. They say alot about my mental state at the time and the way i dealt with having everything i believed in torn to pieces.

I didnt cope will with that and vented on here. Now i didnt cross any legal lines with what i wrote, but i did cross lines of good will and faith. Mentioning things that i had been asked not to mention.

Do i regret it? Not really. Should i regret it? More then likely. Will i ever put them back up again? I dont know. Maybe i will when i need to get a point across again. Although with a few changes to make sure i dont come across as too mentally insane.

I know that i’m not the only peron to use their blog as a way of telling people wahts going on in their heads. Some like myself, as a way of getting things of their chests and letting people know how theya re doing doing. As a kind of thearpy. It makes for hard reading sometimes, but also reading for your sanity, letting you know that your not the only one out there going through the things your going through, feeling the things you feel.

Its not a case of trying to get as many people as possible reading their blog on a daily basis. More about getting your thoughts and feelings out of yourself somewhere where someone may read them and be able to offer a kind word.