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It’s been a month

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It’s been a month since I last wrote a short story for my son.

I’ve wanted to but I’ve found myself blocked.

While in part its cause I get an idea but can’t get it down on paper before I forget it, It’s mostly because I’ve had a lot of pain to cope with.

I Have been struggling with Sciatica and two teeth we’re doing everything we can to avoid root canal in.

Being in pain that strong pills don’t help with really isn’t conductive to writing. Today is the first day I’ve been able to sit and spend any time typing at the laptop.

After writing an earlier longer post today i had to go lie down for a while while the knee pain from the Sciatica eased before trying again.

So a brief bit about Sciatica.

Its Bloody horrible. No matter what you do when it’s at its worse you can’t get comfortable for sleeping or just resting. Forget walking. That just sends pain up and down your leg and spine.

Sciatica is caused by trauma to the sciatic nerve, could be a bump or a slip disc, or any number of things. In my case it was trying to do exercise. That’s right exercise causes bad things to happen.

I’m quite a bit over weight and want to lose it and get fit. So to that end since i can’t afford to join a gym or go swimming on a regular basis I’ve been using things around the flat as aids to exercise. I buggered the nerve jumping about to music, on a cushion so Mrs downstairs didn’t come up and complain again. Possibly not the wisest choice, but it was getting the heart rate up and i could feel it working muscles that don’t normally get much of a workout.

So treatment for sciatica. Well apart from getting the good painkillers there isn’t much you can do for it. Cold and hot packs don’t really do anything but make the area their applied to feel hot or cold.

Bandaging legs, like above doesn’t really do much. It doesn’t help with the pain, but if you feel weak at the knee it does help make you feel a little more stable while up and about.

Sleep, that’s for the weak and not in pain. I spent three days not sleeping before I got the really good pain killers, But as soon as they wore off I was awake again, hunting for where I’d dumped my specs so i can see where I’ve dumped the pills and bottle of water to wash them down with.

Thankfully things are looking up. I’ve been able to cut back on the pain killers and sleep is almost back to normal.

Here’s a couple of links about sciatica

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sciatica

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Sciatica/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Love/hate

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There seems to be a very thin between love and hate. Sometimes so thin that you cant difference.

That is curtainly my experince at the moent, and has been for a while.

I got thinking about love and hate because its coming up to Valentines Day and i got asked what i would be doing for it. If i had my way, hiding from now till a couple of days after it with no tv, radio etc, talking about how to have a great night on a budget, what gift to give that special person, etc.

This will be hte first Valentines Day in a long time i will have with no one to say i love you to. No one to talk to about plans for the future. Its a hard thing to come to terms with that your not going to wake up and be with that special person on that day. Although while i was with my ex we never celebrated Valentines day since out anniversery was two days later. Meant we could do all the lovely dovey stuff at half the price where we wanted to without having to book weeks or months in advance.

Anyway, poets and writers make much of love and hate. With out love and hate they would have little to write about. there would be no journey to find the one for the novelist, or a reason to try and find the right words to express your passion for someone.

Just as without hate there wouldnt be a need for dective novels and dark poems like the raven to read and make us feel better about our own lives and situation.

Love and hate as words are so over used in this day and age. There was a time when you would only say you love when you where talking to the one you were marrying or your children. Now it just doesnt seem to be enough to say we like something, its i love it. Which makes the word lose its meaning every time it is used in that context.

Hate is also a very powerful word and seems to be used even more often then lvoe when talkiong about things. We say oh i hate that woman, or that football team or even that type of food. Not really paying attention to the word we are using.

I get accused of hating people because of their roles in people i care about lives, thats really not te case. i dont think i have ever once said i hate that person, when i have been accused of hating them. Half the timeĀ  havent met them yet and am working of bits and pieces of information about them, like hearing one thing about them on one day and the complete opposite the next. or being told that person doesnt want a certain role in a little person life, but the little person is insistant that he has been told otherwise and that he should see this person in that role.

Hate or feelings similar to it come about through lack of information, lack of empthy and just plain old lets make someone hurt. We all do things e’re not proud of. Things we could take back if we could. But never would we want them to lead to feelings of hate towards ourselves. And, if we truely cared about anyone we wouldnt want to cause them to hate us.

My three year old son doesnt use the word hate. In fact i’m not even sure if he had heard it in realtion to anything before he over a row. Instead of saying i hate this, that or the other he’ll say i dont like it.

He only ever uses the word love when he talking about his feelings for people like me and his granddad. He doesnt say i love theses shoes like a lot of women are want to, he’ll say he likes them.

His father an i have been careful to not teach him to hate other football teams from his own, he instead says he likes them or doesnt like them, or in the case of man u they are bad.

It just shows that when he says he loves you, he really means it as in his head thats the most positive he can feel about you. the word and the emotion arent rendered meaningless by over use in his world. As aduults we need to learn from that and make sure that when use love we really mean it and its in realtion to people, not things.

Feelings of love can turn into feelings of hate through a wrong word or a bad deed. just as feelings of hate can be turned into positive feelings if not love by a word and deed.

I recently recieved an email from someone i had emailed out of concern over someone i loved and even though we never really saw eye to eye and he believes i dont like him he only had nice things to say to me, and it made me stop and think about how i felt towards him. i Dont really know the guy. what i do know of him is bits an pieces told by someone else and through some of his actions which i learn he made whilst unwell.

I ame to realize that i had proberly got this person wrong and that maybe when i had the chance to get to know him better i should have done. Now its soo late for that and i may have missed out the chance of having another friend, someone else in my life who just wants to look out for the two people i love most as things stand. For that i am truely sorry and just hope that its something i can learn from so i dont lose out on some one who is a nice person full of love for people and life again.

preface to novel

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Through out history people’s perspectives of me and my kind have drastically changed. When people started noticing us we where bloated almost corpse’, with overly large yellow teeth and a fetish for very bloody meat. (Although if we could get our hands on a nice big bowl of fresh steaming blood we thought we had hit treasure.) Where ever we went we were pitied from a distance. Pitied for being case out from gods grace. To protect themselves from gods curse we were sent to camps surrounded by armed men.

If we were lucky one of the men would fall asleep away from the others where we could have our way with him. As the years past some of us learnt to survive on only the odd drink of blood every now and again. the others ended up becoming more monster like. Carving fresh meat, and doing anything they had to, to get it.

Slowly we two kinds of cursed passed into folklore, to be whispered about around the fire-place on dark and windy nights. As the world turned we changed, found through the blood we drank that we became more and more like those we drank from. Often many centuries after we lost our human we found them coming back, sometimes more beautiful than before.

Then with the help of a writer we became courtly ladies and gents, walking the night entrancing any we meet into giving up their life’s blood for us. During this time people who read the story and believed in the folklore of their homelands sought us out. killing us with pointy wooden stakes before we could kill their Mothers, Fathers, sons, daughters and neighbors.

We were hunted down like animals and before the final death-blow was delivered we would often be tortured. In the hunting community it became a badge of honor to keep one of us alive for days or weeks before death. A lot of the techniques that are used today in torture were perfected on us during those dark days. None of them really wanted to have questions answered. They never believed whatever answer was given in desperation to end the pain. They just wanted to hurt something as much as they could. Some of my kind believe that if those people hadn’t been carving their evil out on our kind they would be out doing to other humans who had the bad luck to be in their sight when the urge to harm came over them.

Suddenly things changed. People where reading and writing stories that pt my kind in the lime light like never before. We went from being all evil as a race, to being heroes and almost godly in the powers we were given.

Stories of us as victims of a disease or life we didn’t choose, didn’t want. trying to run from what we are, or live life as if nothing would get in the way of us doing good. The pained hero having to forsake everything to protect the weak person they loved was suddenly one of us.

Some of wat has been said of us comes close to being truth, but most of it is just lies to sell books and movie tickets.

I’m here to tell you our story, the truth behind the lies about my kind.

We are your nightmares and dreams rolled into one.

We are the part of you no one wants to admit to.

We are the best part of you.

We are here to stay.

We are Vampire.