The big day out

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So we went on the steam train and it was amazing fun.

It was just like stepping back in time. Everyone involved in the running of the railway was dressed in fifties attire. Right down to the twist in the womans hair. They used the kind of till you only see in movies. Where they pull a lever and numbers flash up above the till on little cards.

The tickets that we got where preprinted thick card, with the start station and end station printed on. Different colours for the different type of fares.

My dad got quite sentimental about it all. It’s a proper taste of his childhood, Right down to him talking about how people looked forward to getting rid of the steam engines.

My son on the other hand loved it all so much. The closer we got to the station the happier and harder to keep hin his seat he became. Once we got to the station he just wanted to run to the platform, where the smoke from the engine could be seen over the station building.

Once we got the tickets and on to the platform, My little man couldn’t decide what he wanted to do first, pick a carriage to get on or go and see the engine up close.

Being told he could have a look on the foot plate of the engine made his mind up for him. With a yell of happiness he ran to the engine and climbed aboard.

The ride was a bumpy as my father remembered, but my son loved every second of it. Bouncing around on his seat pointing out of the window to the shadow to the engine with the smoke flowing over the carriages. Occasionally making choo choo noises and pretending to pull the whistle chain.

We didnt take anything to eat on the train with us as we were only going one stop (about twenty mins away), but there where other people on the train who where sat there with a full picnic spread out on the tables in front of them.

Once we got to our station we went and had lunch in the station cafe where we could see the other steam engines and desiels passing by.

All in all a great day was had by all. And the little man has talked me into taking him on a Thomas themed day out on the rail line in August. Better start saving now as its gonna be an expensive day out. But, one i know for a fact the little man will love with out me having to think of anything to do. Just le the organisers of the day guide him from one activity to the next.

Next time i think we’re going bowling. Taken him before and cant believe just how strong he is when it comes to throwing the balls.


Steam train day out.

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Tomorrow I’ve been talked into taking my son for a ride on a real life steam train. Not even Thomas or the Flying Scotsman, just your average bog standard steam engine.

And the price of this hour joinery one stop away and back £14. £14 for two adults and a three-year old. Now i love my boy and would get him anything he wants but £14 seem too much to spend on going on a train. To go the same distance on a normal train would be less than £5.

But, I cant complain about the price really. He was promised a ride on a steam train when he managed to use the big boy toilet twenty times for a pee and two times for a poo. After a couple of accidents (the last couple being with poo) he has managed to be mostly toilet trained, without the use of a potty, in just over a week.

Every day that i have spoken to him since he hit the magic target of stickers on the chart he has counted the number of days off till he gets to go ont he train with mummy and granddad. Cant forget granddad. The little mans favouritest person int he whole wide world.

My dad, bless him thinks it’s all a bit weird to get so excited about going on a steam train. This is the man who at nearly 61 has seen moe changes to the way we live then almost anyone else i know. Until he was about my age (he mumbles), the only trains you could get where steam trains.

Train stations where full of horrible smoke and the smell! dont get him started on the smell, or the dirt from the coal smoke.

Even at 24 i’m excited about going to see/ride the steam train. Cant remember the last time i went on one, I’m tols i was about eight. And i do feel a little bubble of wonder when i see a steam train go by. The trains we use every day are much faster and cleaner to use but just not as much fun.

We’ll be going on the East Lancs Railway steam train which is on a dedicated line between Heywood and Rawtenstall. Really not that far in the grand scheme of things, but i think far enough if not a bit too far for a little boys attention span. Think i’ll pack a couple of things that he can do on the train, just in case.

He’s said he wants to go somewhere nice to eat, He originally wanted to eat on the train and was disappointed to hear that there wasnt food on the train we’ll be getting. So i fully expect him to say he wants to go to McDonald’s instead. Would rather take him to a market café.

My son loves people watching and asking things about what he sees so a nice little market café would keep him entertained while we waited for food, as well as not breaking the bank.

Next time i see him we’ll be going to a children’s entertainment/learning center called Eureka in Halifax. Dont know how much of it we’ll get done in a day but we’ll give it a go.

We’re planning on going to a petting farm sometime soon, when the weather is nicer and it isn’t lambing season.


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Its a lonely world we live in. Even when we are surrounded by people we are really alone.

No matter how well people get to know us we are still alone in our minds and no one really knows the deep dark thoughts that go on, in there.

How many times have you heard people say “they where so happy go lucky. i never would have said they would have done it.”, when they hear news that some one they know has killed themselves.

Often the most unhappy people are the ones who seem to be the happiest on the outside. they have had more pratice then any one at putting on a front. Alot of unhappy people should be getting ocars for just getting through the day with their mask still in place.

Over the past few months i have had a lot of pratice with this and my mask has slipped, leading people to believe that i am mentaly unsable. its more i cant bear the thought of people seeing just how much pain and turmoil i have going on inside of me, every waking moment. Every really happy moment i have is tinged because it is always followed by a desprate one.

If you listen to cbt therapists they say acting happy will help make you happy. Mind over matter and all that. In my experince that doesnt really work, not really. Others i have talked to say that it has worked for them and i am merely not trying hard enough.

I’ve been trying for a year and somehow things still happen that make the happy mask slip. One of the ways i have told to get rid of the turmoil inside is to write it down, anywhere, any how. get it out and try and leave it behind.

Well heres trying.

Anythings worth a try right. God knows i cant be on anti-depressants for ever. The longer i’m on them the more damage is happening to my heart and the more dependant i become on them.

I recently had to have my meds halfed within a couple of weeks as they where messing with the electric impulses of my heart. Currantly waiting to see if any long term damage has been done to my heart. If it has then i will have to take other meds to combat the damage. Not fun. I’m only 24 and up until the past year or so i have been very healthy and didnt have to take pills for anything other then period pain and the odd cold and flu pill.

I know in the grand scheme of things i dont really have much to complain about, but in my head whats happening is pretty much the end of my world.

I have a son and he is the only reason that i have never tried anything to end the turmoil. I have never understood how people could end it all when they have wonderful beautiful child in their lives, and even now i still dont. I still think in a way they are selfish ending it all and taking themselves perminatly away from those who love them.

Even more so the ones who do it by jumping in front of trains. Not only are they ruining their families lives they are ruining the life of the train driver. an innocent person who is just trying to make a living. My great uncle was a train driver and he had three people kill themselves by jumping in front of his train. Even though he suffered with dementia towards the end he always remembered in great detail every part of what happened the people died.

The first one happened when he was driving a steam train and the first he knew about it was getting a face full of human guts and a hand fly into the cabin.

The other two he saw coming as he was driving a modrenish train and even though each time there was nothing he could do about it, he always dwelt on the fact that there should have been something anything else he could have done to stop them dying under his wheels.

I understand feeling the need to not want to wake up in the morning. to have it all end, welcome death. but i dont understand planning it and then going through with it.

I know some one who tried to go through with an overdose and researched which where the best over the counter pills to do it with and how many they would need. Thankfuly they werent successful and are still around today in a much better place then they where at the time. But, i cant pretend to understand their reasoning behind it and the methodical way they went about doing it. I gues it must just be something that the person at that time understands and no one else, even if they have tried it themselves can understand someone elses reasoning.

But on the same token there are cultures who consider it an honorable act in certain circumstances. for instance when the buddist monk set himself on fire in protest in Tibet. He harmed no one else and made the world aware of what was happening in his country at the time. Sadly things havent changed there yet but the world is watching.

Another form is suicide bomber. Often they are “brainwashed” into believeing that it is what their god/cult leader wants them to do. I find it hard to believe that any loving god/leader would want their followers to kill them selves and others for them. More often then not it is the innocent who are harmed and not the very people the suicide bombers and their ilk are wanting to kill.

Over all we are all just lonely and in need of someone to love us, help us live well and chase away the dark when it threatens to over whelm us. Without that someone to help we are often even more alone and unable to cope.